I Don't Pop Mollies

This weekend has been lazy and productive at the same time. I think both is happening at the same time. 

It is September. It was just Christmas and now it's September. It's funny what a young man recollects. I don't remember being born and I don't remember my first outdoor picnic, but I do remember that when I was really young time was so slow. I felt like summer vacation lasted forever and five minutes seemed like an eternity. I had to wait like, ten years before I had my next birthday and now I blink and I have my first grey hair. It's a sick sad world.

This weekend I started cleaning the whole house and the domestic partner used lemons to

shine up the shower fixtures. Then he touched the loogie sink and then didn't wash his hands and LO AND BEHOLD now he is feeling sick. I still have to do the floors which is the most time consuming chore of the household chores because I am a hairy beast and shed at least eight pounds of hair each day. So I use my Kirby to vacuum all the hair and crumbs and dead skin cells off the floor (it is a great vacuum with a hard floor attachment, thanks, Mom) and then use my Hoover Twin Tank to steam all the tile. J loves vacuuming and is vacuuming fool so he usually does the carpet. I don't know why I went into so much detail about cleaning floors here but there you have it.

Anyway, in between all that cleaning I sat on the couch a lot and ate a lot of shit. I love my couch and I love eating shit too. Also, I colored for like three hours with Annie and listened to Britney Spears and Lady Gaga and watched my favorite Disney songs on YouTube. 

Khloe Keepin' it Klassy

At one point during this weekend, we were watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians and I know that those people are kind of really ridiculous and all, but I can't help but get hooked to the show every time I watch it. Khloe and Kourtney are my favorite of the Kardashians and I love Scott. Scott, Scott, Scott, here goes Scott, down into my belly, mmm, mmm, mmm. But not that I like him in that perverted way or anything, I just think he is the funniest stupid idiot ever. All of that is beside the point I am trying to make. LAND THE PLANE, LADY! The point of this is to tell you that Khloe thought she was losing her memory and then went under hypnosis and found out that she chose to block a lot from her memory because she didn't want to really deal with it. It being the whole OJ / Nicole thing and the fact that her dad died and all that sucky stuff that happened when she was an adolescent. And that made me wonder what I choose to block from my conscious memory. I bet it's a lot. 

Then I decided to have a stream of consciousness to see if my subconscious wanted to play because I used to do them quite often and it was neat. But that wouldn't really make for that interesting of a blog, and last night I woke up in the middle of the night because I was sweating out of every pore on my body. All of my genius ideas come to me in the middle of the night, but my subconscious must be an asshole because I never remember any of them the next morning. My subconscious is all, I'm going to hoard all the great ideas and YOU GET NONE because you are boring Michelle! Ooooh you're gonna buy my chicken, ooooooh!  And then it gives me these sick ass dreams. The other night I dreamed I had really fucked up genitals. I was standing naked in my parent's bathroom and I looked down and my vagina had grown a really long dick-like thing and then my vagina was at the end of it all normal. It was like a skin-colored elephant trunk with a vagina at the end instead of those elephant trunk finger-grabby-nostril-things and at first when I saw it I was like WHAT THE FUCK and then when I realized my vag was at the end of it I was like, oh ok cool, there it is, this is fine. I'm normal, I just have a really long vag.  And then I woke up and much to my relief I was still a woman. The crazy thing is that is not the first time I've dreamed I had a wanker. The other time(s) though I was excited about it and all of the cool new things I'd be able to do with it. 

In an unrelated next topic, today is my brother Kenny's birthday. He is 32 now. It's weird to think of him as a 32 year-old. We have kind of missed out on a lot of things in each others lives but recently my sister in law and I have started talking and decided to stop being such assholes and it's been a great thing because now we can move on to the next better chapter, which begins with us actually being family. It's weird to think of him being 32 because in my mind we are both still kids and not grown up. Growing up is weird and scary and sucky and responsibility sucks but one thing I like about being a grown up is being in control of what I will and will not do. [The other night before Annie went to bed she was all "I wish I wasn't a kid" and when I asked her why she said "Because kids have to close their eyes when it's bed time and I don't want to close my eyes. I wish I was a grown up so I could stay up when all the kids go to bed" and in my mind I pictured Billy holding that fat kid's face telling him "Don't you EVER say that. Stay here, stay as long as you can!!!!"] Well one of the things I've decided is to be a better family member and do my part to stay in touch with people better. Just because I am farther away isn't a good excuse not to know what is going on in my family's lives. Plus I love them all. That's an important tidbit to throw out there. 

So, on a happy note, 

Happy Birthday, Kenny!

Cowlicks and kidnipples