Gobble Gobble Goo and Gobble Gobble Gickle

I'm gonna eat that poor turkey

I wish turkey only cost a nickel. BUT it doesn't. Last year, the Domestic Partner bought two 24 pound turkeys for only SIX dollars each. Yes six, not sixty. We got 48 pounds of delicious bird for only $12.00 measly dollars. It was grand. This year we couldn't find such a great deal, but still it was pretty good.

Anyhoo, today is Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is pretty much one of the best inventions ever, and although I don't believe that horseshit of pilgrims and Native Americans playing nice, I still love love love the holiday. I am a fat kid on the inside, and there is nothing better than a day of guilt-free gluttony. Ok, well I still do kind of feel guilty because there are a lot of families that can't afford a Thanksgiving feast. But, I'm not here to talk about all the things that make me sad, I'm here to talk about Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving, you're supposed to talk about everything that you are thankful for. Well, since I am a cold hearted bitch, I'm going to talk about all the things I'm bitter about for not having. Just kidding, I'm no different than the rest of the USofA that talks about it. So here I go.

Wait, before I start, there is one thing that I'm NOT thankful for on Thanksgiving, and that's raw turkey. Poultry is so so so so gross raw. I hate how it's all slimy and stinky and leaks that light tan stinky sticky juice that causes dysentery or some junk. It's totally gross and my Domestic Partner makes fun of me for being so anal about cleanliness and not getting raw turkey juice everywhere. Today I asked him to poke it because I didn't know if it was thawed enough yet, and it was still in the package, and he thought I was nuts for asking (actually demanding) that he wash his hands before going back to working on the computer. "Look," I said, "I don't want my man or me to die of salmonella!" The end.

Now, for the real reason I was going to blog (which by the way I know that I have been severely neglectful of my blogging duties, however the laptop was sick with a Ukrainian virus, hence it was at PC Solutions getting fixed) which is to talk about why I am so thankful. Here are the things I am thankful for, in no particular order.

 I am thankful for the people in my life. I have a great family who has always loved me even though I am weird and gangly and suck at keeping in touch. Both of my parents are still alive and they are really nice and stay out of my personal life. My family truly knows the meaning of unconditional love, that that is really neat. I am thankful that my brothers aren't over protective jerks but I know that if I asked them to, they would beat anyone up for me. There aren't enough words to explain how thankful I am for my sisters - they are my best friends and are always there for me in times of need. They are so funny and loving and I couldn't ask for better sisters. I am thankful for my boyfriend. Who knows where I would be without him. He is truly wonderful-the very meaning of a partner. He's got my back no matter what and loves me for who I am, even though I may not be a 10 or have a cellulite free ass. He puts up with my bullshit, and doesn't run away screaming when my psycho hormones take over. He is one of the funnest people I have ever met, and I enjoy every second by his side. Like he tells me, I have met my match. I am thankful for my two best friends in the wide world, Aidalys and Carina. They have been the friends who have stuck by me in the shittiest times ever, and the ones I can get into trouble with and know that no one will ever know about it. (Well, Adam might find out about it, but that's what happens when you're also married to your BFF, you have to tell him everything ;)) They make me laugh and are honest, even if what they have to say isn't what I want to hear. We can tell each other when we're being assholes, and can go weeks without talking then pick right back up where we left off when we do get together. I heart you, people in my life.

I am thankful for my health. I don't get sick very often, and my biggest complaint is that I've been getting headaches and migraines more frequently lately, but aside from that, I'm pretty much in ship shape. I am thankful that I don't have to deal with a chronic, or worse, terminal illness, my body isn't broken, and I can do things for myself without assistance.

I am thankful that I am doing ok financially, but not so okay that I forget to appreciate material things or necessities in life. I have never been rich by any means, mostly I've been poor or broke, so I appreciate the fact that I can pay my bills on time and have food at the table. There are so many people who struggle, and I am extremely grateful that I have a warm bed to sleep in every night. I am thankful that I grew up the way I did, because it taught me the value of working hard and the value of a dollar.

I am thankful for my job. Sometimes I get bored but then I realize I have a pretty freakin awesome job. I'm not accountable to too much since I am a middle man. I don't have to deal with the public, I don't take phone call after phone call, and I can show up and leave whenever I need to. I have a boss that stays out of my hair, but still helps me when I need it. I have a super quiet cubicle, and I don't sit too close to any assholes. Considering I chose not to go to college, I make a decent salary that could support me alone if I really needed it to.

I am thankful for my car. The Versa is so dependable and has never given me a headache, ever. I see people broken down on the side of the road, and think about how much it would suck if that happened to me, because aside from calling my insurance company or the Domestic Partner for help, I would have no clue what to do. I still wish it was an autobot, though.

I am thankful for my happiness. It's taken me a little bit to get here, but I am truly happy. I wish that everyone were as happy as I am - I honestly believe that the world would be a better place if that were the case.

I am thankful that I live in a country that doesn't make be live a certain way or believe in a certain god, or suppress me for being a woman or even give a shit if I don't vote. I am thankful that I can say whatever I want wherever I want (well I take that back, I can't say "bomb" on a plane or "fire" in a theater). I think I would be a very UNhappy person if the government told me how to live.

I am thankful for:

Chipotle

Nail polish

The internet

Cereal

Smart phones

Latex gloves

Potatoes

Music

Air Conditioning

Wal Mart

Police

Sushi

Dildos

Movies

DVR

Rainbows

Gnomes

My bed

and lots and lots and lots of other millions and trillions of things

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!!