I Can't Wear Hats Cause My Head's Too Big

I'm not kiddin', my head's like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts! I have the unmistakable, unforgiving Weber Head Curse. It's so big. It's hard to find sunglasses that fit. Wearing headbands is pretty much unbearable, and I don't wear hats because it cuts off the circulation to the top quarter of my head. Having a big head isn't really all that bad, because then I like to tell people that's where I store all my brains and that's why I'm so gosh darn smart. The forehead compartment is especially large for this purpose.

Let's get pissed!

There are times, however, that I feel bad about the size of my head. Like, if I decide to crimp my hair my head looks extraordinarily large. But the time that I feel worse about it is when I am in pictures next to people with normal sized heads. Like my domestic partner. Check it out, I'm not making it up:



Where's Jeff? Oh, Michelle's head ate him.

 I have a big head. The end.

So tonight I had the scare of a lifetime. It was seriously creepy. Really creepy. I was in my bathroom, minding my own business scrubbing the toilet when I heard the garage door open. At first, I thought it was the A/C, but it sounded much too loud for that. Then, I thought, maybe it's the neighbor's garage door but that was much too loud for that too. Then, I got really super duper excited because I thought my domestic partner may have come home early to surprise me, but not only was I not that lucky, but I was wrong on that too. So I stopped scrubbing the toilet to go see, and by the time I opened the door to the garage, the garage door was already shutting. Still thinking it might be J, I went around to the driveway, since the way I parked would have made it impossible to park in the garage. Luckily, some killer didn't break in because I was not armed. Anyway, it was really creepy and by that time I realized that it was NOT my domestic partner. I went inside and grabbed the biggest knife I own and looked around for any suspicious behavior. Nothing. No one inside, no one outside, no nothing. :( I think the ghosts have returned. 

When I say I think the ghosts returned, when my sister lived with me, we had ghosts. I blame it on the fact that her and her weirdo kids loved to watch shows like Ghost Hunters and Ghost Stories and Haunted Houses and all those cochinadas. Anyway, when I studied the Bible, I was told that those kinds of things "invite" demons/spirits in to your home and HOMIE DON'T PLAY DAT. I do not mess around with that kind of stuff because lo and behold my house became haunted. Anyway, things that would happen were creepy but not as direct as tonight. For example, the pictures in the house are always turned crooked even after fixing them (the domestic partner says this is from the door to the garage slamming shut), dishes in the cubbord one night all fell over simultaneously, once the contents of my purse were poured out all over the floor while I was sleeping, we'd wake up in the middle of the night and the A/C had been turned to like 50 degrees and we'd be freezing our balls off, and the last thing that I can remember off the top of my head is that the smoke detectors would all go off randomly at the same time and beep like 6 or 8 times then shut off by themselves. So all of those creepy things would happen and when my sister moved out, it all stopped happening. It's like they got into the car with her and left too. Well tonight SOMETHING made the garage door open and shut by itself and it scared me. These ghosts are friendly but they like scaring people. Maybe they do it cause it's so GD funny like when I scare the bejesus out of my domestic partner and he cold cocks me right in the throat because he has the fight reaction. Anyway, I went through the whole house doing a security inspection (with a golf club) and everything is fine. 

In other news - I got flipped off today. Again. I get flipped off a lot. A lot of people must want to do me. This idiot was going 65 miles per hour on the freeway, so I passed her on the right. Then, she speeds up only to cut off the truck in front of me then get off at the same exit I do. Then her dumbass turns into the McDonald's (she was probably going to have a heart attack if she didn't get that Big Mac down her throat soon) and as she turned she flipped me off. I was like REALLY? REALLY YOU STUPID IDIOT? I hate bad drivers. I hate them. Seriously, women, you are giving us the bad driving name. Nine times out of ten when someone pisses me off on the road it's a WOMAN. No wonder everyone makes fun of you for driving like assholes. You deserve it. This is starting to sound more like a gear grinder blog so let me just go ahead and change the subject.

I hate gnats. They are stupid. I think I inhaled one today.

Good news at the job - I had a 1:1 with my new manager (but he's not new, just newly promoted) and he said that I'm doing a great job and well on my way to a promotion "and beyond", like Buzz Lightyear, only in the real world. Also, I will be able to begin Green Belt training again, which is exciting, because I think I would really enjoy the whole Six Sigma thing. Anyway, I don't want to talk about work because it's boring, but Yahoo! Yahoo for school! Yahoo for me!