Oh, where do I begin? The other day I posted a status on Facebook about how sometimes it really sucks being a woman. If you are not a woman, aka a man, you will never ever understand what it is like, and congratulations, because lots of times, it sucks. I think in this clip, (click on the link)while Leslie Knope explains why/how she shot her boss Ron Swanson (who is, by the way, the best made for TV character EVER) in the head, she is really just reciting normal thoughts that run through our womanly minds every day. Yes, it is true. We are bat-shit crazy.
As I write this blog, I want you to know that some part of me (the vagina) is speaking for all women. If some chick claims not to be crazy on some level, or at least sometimes, she is lying to you. I don't mean to be this way, I really don't. Neither do 95% of women. There is a 5% though, that are just crazy bitches and there's nothing else to it. It's those 5% that us 95% look at and think wow, that bitch is CRAZY. Anyway, I usually get my craziest around "that time of the month". Seriously, hormones fucking suck and if you say that can't be an excuse, you have never experienced it. When a woman is being overtaken by her psychotic hormones, there is NOTHING she can do to stop whatever it is she is doing. I can't help myself from eating really crappy food. Other times, I can't help myself from crying while watching Disney movies. But what I really really HATE is when I act crazy for no damn reason. Or when I start talking nonsense, and while I'm talking, the inside of my head is saying SHUT UP YOU ARE TALKING CRAZY AND ANNOYING and I just can't stop talking because the insanity has taken over.
Being an emotional basket case is really frustrating. I haven't had an outburst in a very, very long time of anger, but lately it's been that I can't control being sad or whiny or just a baby in general. REALLY annoying. I can't help that my feelings are hurt at the stupidest things ever or that I get sad at songs or commercials that aren't really sad at all. No, I'm not pregnant, so if you were thinking that, you are first of all insane because I've come up with a list of about 184,784,657,013 reasons of why I don't want kid(s), but also because I take birth control religiously. I've talked to my domestic partner about it, and I'm pretty sure it's a culmination of a lot of things, but I feel like I'm slowly getting out of this phase. Which is good, because if I didn't, I'd have to kick my own ass.
When I was around people I didn't like all the time (when I worked in the previous department I was in), I would have bouts of anger which usually ended up in me cussing a lot or storming off with smoke piping out from every hole in my body in sheer rage. Now that I am around hardly anyone most of the time at work (I am a business analyst which means I am a individual contributor aka social outcast)[god damn it I just chipped my fucking nail polish which I JUST did] I find myself having these really crazy conversations with myself. Seriously, they are CRAZY. Like, I have these arguments with myself. Usually it's crazy Michelle talking to normal Michelle, and normal Michelle is always telling crazy Michelle "Seriously, just shut the fuck up already, you are ACTING CRAZY. You are being illogical and really pissing me the shit off" or something like that. It's kind of creepy, then I get nervous that I am one of those people that constantly whisper to themselves, because they don't realize they are actually whispering out loud because they are crazy. Well, now I am just sounding really crazy...Take it from me. If you are a man and you have a girlfriend or a wife or a boyfriend who thinks he is really a girl, I speak for all of us when I say:
I'm sorry for being crazy sometimes. I can't help it, and if you just give me a minute without judgement, I will be better. Hug me and give me something greasy to eat and I will be nicer a LOT faster.
In other news - I'm not 24 anymore! I had my golden birthday, and yes, it was just as glorious as having a golden shower. I had one of the most fabulous weekends of all time. It was full of sisters and friends and gays and music and dancing and drinking and domestic partner and love and gifts and and and all of the glitter and rainbows a girl could ask for. I have graduated into the next age bracket, which means I am officially no longer a kid. So in celebration of that, I am going to continue the tradition of Annoying Things People Older Than You Do and refer to anyone that kind of possibly looks like they may be younger than me as "kid". It will be grand. I watch Teen Mom, it's one of my guilty pleasures. Well Dr. Drew tells Farrah (who is one of my favorite moms even though her voice is atrocious and she is spoiled) that it's time she let go of her childhood. Well, luckily I didn't get knocked up when I was 16 so, I don't have to do that. Plus, when I think about it, I don't think I really had any childhood dreams. Hmm...Let's see. I always wished I was a centaur but I guess I let go of that childhood dream once I realized that you can't really "grow up" into another animal, real or fantastical...
Man, I just realized how I've never had any real goals in life. I guess now that I am a quarter of a century old, I should make some up.
Goal #1: don't have kids
Goal #2: win the lottery
Goal #3: become a centaur..wait, shit.
