Do You Think I'm Lookin' Hot?

Maybe you guys don't know this about me but I love Gwen Stefani. I think she the beauty of a woman at its best. I've been on a No Doubt / Gwen Stefani kick lately and I have been listening to their albums in the bathroom and on my commute to and from work. I like all of the albums, some more than others but what I wanted to talk about here is how honest my woman crush Gwen is in her songs. She lets her crazy hang all out and she doesn't even care. And you know what? It's beautiful. Some of my favorite ND/Gwen songs are the ones where she lays out her insecurities allllll out there. Probably because at some point or another in my life, or every single solitary day, I can relate. 

Can you tell I'm faking it? But I want to be myself
A counterfeit disposition
Can't be good for my health
So many different faces
Depending on the different phases
My personality changes
I'm a chameleon
There's more than one dimension
I can fool you and attract attention
Camouflage my nature
Let me demonstrate...

Makeup's all off
Who am I?
Magic's in the make up
Who am I? 

This one is called "Magic's in the Makeup" and let me tell you, I can relate to this one figuratively and literally. I admit that I clean up well when I do my hair and makeup, but seriously I am too afraid to ever post a picture of myself on a working from home day, and it is a cold day in hell when I go out in public sans makeup. I look like a troll on it's deathbed. My makeup is my security blanket and my goal is to get a new face sometime in the near future. Figuratively, I can change my poker face or my personality depending on my mood or the audience. Sometimes it's a blessing and sometimes I scare myself. If you are one of the lucky few that know me even without my "makeup" you have seen every good bad and fugly side of me. You're welcome. And I'm sorry.

I just want to take you away from everyone
And keep you stashed under my pillow
And then I'd take you out simply for my own pleasure
And wear you when the occasion's special
Then I'd put you on like a diamond
So I can sparkle and be the envy of my friends
I'd proudly hold the leash that I'd have you on
So you can't stray and follow me around all day

That lovely piece of stage five clinger is "Too Late". This song is so pretty but when I listen to the lyrics, it can hit close to home. There are times when I feel very clingy and selfish and I've told my domestic partner several times that I wish I could hide him away in my pocket and take him every where I go and take him out when I want a kiss or a cuddle. Creepy I know. But I also feel very possessive over other things too. Like my specific flavors of yogurt or cereal I get for myself. Or work I do that I want credit for. This one goes way deeper than these superficial examples and I could write a whole blog just for that verse up there.

Ok now, I understand he's on his way now

But geez Louise, I mean today now

I can't wait, I wanna play now

I'm antsy, bubble pop electric pansies

My sweet tooth, I want your candy

The Queen of Eng' would say it's "randy"

  

That would be "Bubble Pop Electric" by Gwen. Sometimes, I just really need to get banged.

You had the best
But you gave her up
'Cause dependency might interrupt
Idealistic will so hard to please
Put your indecisive mind at ease
You broke the set
Now there's only singles
There's no looking back
This time I mean it

"Happy Now" by ND is the anthem for all of our exes that should remember that what they did that made our hearts break totally sucks and that they are stupid motherfuckers for letting go of the best thing that ever happened to them. Good luck with finding anyone who is even half as awesome as I am. I hope you're happy now. 

Such a cute girl, I'm so jealous

I wish I looked exactly like her

What's it like to have that body?

I'm gawking while I wonder

"Staring Problem" aka exactly how I feel about Gwen and a good percentage of chicks at the gym. Things I wish I had and am totally jealous of: perfect skin and cellulite free legs that are the same goddamn size. I know we're supposed to love ourselves and not compare ourselves to other women but seriously, some women are sofa king hot that you can't help but stare and wish you had the qualities she does. Little do I know maybe she's looking at me wishing she had my hair or teeth or fivehead.

This shit is bananas

B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

Enough said.  

The army of words is in me
Silent the soldier weeps
Lying here back to back
Waiting for you to be react

Sometimes all I need is a good push
Roll over and whisper some goodness
Go on baby you be the hero
Now can we go back to zero?

"Start the Fire" by ND describes perfectly how stupidly stubborn I can be. I hate having a fight with anyone and when it's all said and done even though I want the other person to make the first move and say "I'm sorry" the whole time I know I'm wrong too and it's only a matter of time before we kiss and make up. If my partner and I fight, I am just being stupid 9 times out of 10 and the next morning my stupidity is gone and I say let's go ahead and forget that ever happened and I'm sorry now let's make out.

Go ahead and look at me
‘Cause that’s what I want
Take a good look won’t you please
‘Cause that’s what I want

I know you wanna stare
You can’t help it and I don’t care
So look at me
‘Cause that’s what I want

"Lookin' Hot" because when I do my hair and makeup I am hot n boss n have all the right curves in all the right places and YUP I IS FINE. Especially after 4 tequila sunrises. So when I take the time to look good, I want you to notice. Otherwise we take two steps backwards and end up at "Staring Problem".

I'd get me four Harajuku girls to
Inspire me and they'd come to my rescue
I'd dress them wicked, I'd give them names
Love, Angel, Music, Baby
Hurry up and come and save me

 

 "Harajuku Girls" by Gwen. I have one question. Who doesn't want an Asian posse? 

And finally, because me and my woman crush Gwen are really just suckers for love:

Run
Running all the time
Running to the future
With you right by my side

Me
I'm the one you chose
Out of all the people
You wanted me the most...

Be
Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most
Don't stop inspiring me
Sometimes it's hard to keep on running
We work so much to keep it going
Don't make me want to give up...

Running, running
As fast as we can
I really hope we'll make it
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated 

     

Knibb High Football Rules

Hi.

So, I have this problem where I'm my mother's child which means I am a worry wart. I worry so bad that sometimes it causes anxiety or panic attacks and I really hate it. A lot. A while back I googled ways to tame worry, and a lot of them worked. There was this one site about Buddhism or Shmalahalalasismssh and how one of their proverbs or way of thinking is "drive all blames to one" or something like that which basically means you make your own problems. It's my own fault I'm a worry wart because I'm just thinking the worst for no reason and need to knock it off. So in my search for how to stop being such an asshole, I came across this list of 30 things to stop doing to yourself. I also read somewhere that we as humans are pretty dumb and just like animals, we respond to positive feedback or statements instead of negative ones. So I'm going to flip my favorite ones into positive instructions so that I can come back to this and read it when I'm losing my mind. Which, unfortunately, is quite often.

1. Spend time with the right people. An old boss told me about the crabs in a bucket syndrome. Apparently, if you are a fisherman and put crabs into a bucket you don't have to worry about putting a lid on the bucket because the crabs will just pull each other down instead of working together so all of them can get out to freedom. Some people like to pull others down because they are unhappy. My life partner always tells me he wants to surround himself with people that will make him better. I think that's a good idea. Positivity can breed positivity just like negativity can poison your whole life. 

2. Deal with your problems. No matter how shitty they are and how much it may suck, ignoring your problems doesn't make them go away. Avoiding problems just makes them bigger and uglier and hairier when you finally decide to deal with them. Plus, when you deal with your problems, it makes dealing with other problems not so horrible. 

3. Be honest.  Lying does no one any good. Then you have to remember which lies you told to whom and what you said and when and that also sucks.

4. Take a chance. Sometimes we are afraid of trying something because we feel we are not ready. Yeah well if you were ready for everything that'd be kind of boring/ Also, nothing is worse than looking back and thinking "what if?" I think it's way better to try and fall short than never try at all. I always like to step back and think of absolute worse case scenario when I am afraid of trying something. If "death" is not the worse case scenario, then I've got pretty much nothing to lose.

5. Be happy for yourself. Ok, so on the original blog, this one was "Stop feeling sorry for yourself". This is a big one for me. Being a Libra, it's pretty much programmed into my code to throw myself a pity party every now and again. It's really super lame and I hate it when it happens. For example, yesterday I got in a shitty ass mood because I was sucking it up at the golf range. Then I have an internal conversation with myself: Are you kidding me right now, Michelle? Stop being such a little cry baby bitch! You live in America! You own golf clubs! People lose everything every day and you are in a bad mood because you couldn't get a god damn ball in the god damn air. Shut UP!  The moral of the story here is that whatever problem you think you have or whatever stupid ass trigger gets your panties in a bunch, there is always someone that has it worse than you. Be happy for the good things in your life.

6. Let go of hate. Again, a big one for me. I am normally a very kind and forgiving person, but I find it extremely difficult to let go of a grudge once it takes its hold on me. If I lose trust in someone it's nearly impossible for them to gain it again. But, going back to the whole "drive all blames to one" it's my fault I hate someone, and I should not let that affect my quality of life. There is nothing good that comes from hating another person. There is a quote that apparently no one knows just who said it that sums it up very nicely: "Resentment is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die". Yup.

7. Let it out! Cry your eyes out every once in a while. You'll feel a lot better once the tears and snot are out.

8. Think positively! For about four or so years now, I have been using The Secret. Although I've never actually read about it and all I know is that Oprah talked about it or something, what I took away from the rumblings is that if you want something, think and speak as though it is going to happen. Lo and behold, it works. My life has drastically changed since June 5, 2009... Of course there were other things that drove to major change but honestly, saying I WILL BE HAPPY and I WILL DO THE THINGS I NEED TO FIND MY HAPPINESS really helped. A lot.

Those were my favorite 8 things on that list. You can read the full list of 30 or make up your own if you want. It's fun. The Eight World Wonders. I am not perfect. I still have panic attacks where I think the world is collapsing. I still have episodes of extreme guilt. I still let stupid things bring me down. I still get angry and hold grudges over things that really should be insignificant. I guess the fun part about being an imperfect human is that there is always room for improvement. 

K bye!